Warning: Loooong post! But read on if you are find our stories entertaining.
We took our family vacation of the year last weekend. It was only 2 days for a few reasons: 1. Our kids are easily amused. 2. We weren’t sure how Lily would handle a longer trip. 3. We are cheap. The kids were perfect, and we had a great time. But I have to say it wouldn’t have surprised me if Clark Griswold had shown up.
We had planned to spend 2 days at Holiday World, an amusement and water park, but then saw that Sunday’s weather was not looking good. So we decided to get there when the gates opened and stay until closing on Saturday and squeeze in as much as possible. We forgot that Holiday World is in a different time zone. We showed up an hour before they started ticket sales. There was only one other car in the lot. A grimey-looking man stepped out and reminded us of the time change.
Hotel shopping seemed like a good way to pass the time. We wanted to take the kids to a hotel for the night, just for fun (I told you they are easily amused). We knew about one hotel in town, but had stayed there before and wanted something different. Turns out the only other choice was to rent an RV for the night. No, thank you. This was MY vacation too. You will find some irony in that later in my tale.
When we got back to Holiday World, we got right in and still had to wait 30 minutes before the rides opened. It was worth the wait. We had such a fantastic time! The weather was wonderful, and the lines were very short. We rode rides until about 2:30, spent a couple of hours at the water park, then more time back in the amusement park until they kicked us out.
Afterwards, we were discussing what to do the rest of the weekend. We stopped for gas and saw this place.
No, we didn’t go there. Kenny asked the gal in the gas station for hotel recommendations. She gave him a 15% coupon for Holiday Inn Express in a town just down the road. Jack asked if that was a train to Holiday World. Kenny said he doesn’t like to stay in hotels right off the interstate, because you never know what kind of people have been there (I think he was afraid the rooms might not pass the blue light test). Keep reading for irony.
We proceeded to a cute little town and spotted a bed and breakfast.
We thought it might be a neat experience, so we headed up to our room on the third floor.
At first glance, the room looked cozy and quaint.
They had rocking chairs.
They had soft quilts on the beds.
We had our own bathroom.
We had our own bathroom.
Ah, but look closer.
They even had a used shower cap hanging on the wall “decoration.”
As we looked around, we began to notice a few other delightful treats. Curtains that must not have been washed since they remodeled the place in 1986. Hair in the soap dish in the tub. A pound of dust and other unidentifiable particles jammed in the bathroom exhaust vent. The appearance of something strange growing in the bathroom ceiling. I shut my eyes after that one.
We were PLAIN WORN OUT after our busy day, so we decided it wasn’t worth the hassle to load the car up again and find another hotel. Plus, everyone was starving, and there was a restaurant across the street. Also, we knew free breakfast was at 9 am, and we wanted to enjoy a yummy, home-cooked meal.
When we got to the restaurant, the first thing Kenny and I did was order coffee. It was cool outside by this time (8:30), and a nice, hot cup of joe sounded like just what we needed. The coffee came. Cold and old. Kenny told the waitress, and she stuck it in the microwave. Then it was warm and old. But when you need it, you need it. We go to really fancy places, don’t we? Everyone ate, and we walked back to our luxurious room.
Kenny was getting the rollaway bed out and banged his head on the sloped wall. The kids and I all privately chuckled when he rared his fist back like he was going to hit the wall. He was not in the mood for a noggin knock.
Jack and Lily fell asleep very quickly. I took my shower and tried not to touch the shower curtain. After Kenny’s shower, he showed me his towel. It had what looked like little blood drop stains all over it. Can you believe he used it?!? What’s wrong with that man?!? I mean, I agreed to stay there, but I draw the line at using a blood stained towel. Maybe it wasn’t blood. Maybe it was . . . No. Stop thinking about it, Lori Ann.
Anyway, we settled in for the night. The bed was circa 1800’s and squeaked with the slightest movement. Kenny kept moving because his legs were too long for the bed. So I lay there, trying to ignore the squeaks and the thoughts of who had possibly slept in that bed last, and if the sheets had been washed. Kenny finally had enough, and got in Abbie’s bed and sent her to bed with me. She and I spent the rest of the night kneeing each other in the back. Jack cried out in the night that Lily was pushing him off the bed. We slept beautifully. Did you notice that I have a problem with sarcasm? Sorry. Can’t help it. I’ve been living with Kenny too long.
When morning came, we were all excited about going downstairs to a spread of pancakes, bacon, eggs, etc. There was a spread alright. A spread of yellow casseroles. Almost everything was yellow and squishy. Thank goodness they had Froot Loops for Jack. I could almost hear him gagging when he saw the casseroles. He has a strong aversion to mushy food. Lily liked some banana bread they had. I thought it was gross. And I’m not a picky eater. Abbie will eat almost anything you put in front of her, so she thought the food was fine. Kenny and I just made faces at each other while we choked down some of it and drank blah coffee. To top off this lovely meal, the cook came over and began to tell us about her diabetes and heart trouble.
After breakfast, we sat on the porch for a bit, then headed out. When riding through town, we saw a place that made us laugh. We are so juvenile. If you’re having digestive problems, I’m certain this place could help.
See? Juvenile.
Since we still had another day of vacation left and it was raining, Kenny had the idea of going to Bass Pro Shops. Excellent! I’m not being sarcastic this time. I really like Bass Pro Shops.
I guess we are all easily amused. We had a great time! The kids were in awe of all the trees and taxidermied animals. It was the next best thing to being outside. We even got to practice our shooting skills. I’m pretty good, I might add.
We got beef jerky and fudge to eat on the way home. Redneck gourmet. That ended up being a good idea, because we got stuck in a traffic jam. It took us 1 ½ hours to get home. Should have taken 20 minutes. But we just laughed and joked and sang and ate the whole way.
Well, there is the rundown of our vacation. I hope you had a little fun reading it. We sure had fun living it. I am so incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful family to play with!!!
